The following blog was written by Dr. Silvy Mathew, who is by far one of the smartest people I know, and a dedicated and compassionate family physician to boot. It originally appeared as a Twitter Thread after she chipped in to lend a hand at a Long Term Care facility in crisis. It is being reproduced here with permission.
Tonight is 3rd night of no sleep since I went into a Long Term Care home (nursing home) in Ontario with over a hundred COVID19 positive residents, and almost no staff. So far, my other nursing homes have avoided outbreaks, but what I witnessed yesterday is needing words I don’t have. My brain can’t rest, and I think I’m in shock.
I’m not even tearful. I’m not afraid for myself (although yes the conditions were not good and Christmas with elderly parents is cancelled for sure now). I am just … hyper-vigilant.
I woke up after a couple hrs of sleep, having “dreamt” of another catastrophe. What I think my brain is ruminating on is how many levels have gone wrong here. This isn’t an individual’s fault, this is just so damn systemic. And with the right resources and people in charge, given some power to leverage things, we could probably stop some deaths.
But the system doesn’t allow for that. And asking individuals to do more…and more…and more… While we are all trying to maintain their other responsibilities… This is why things are crashing and burning now. It is traumatizing to say the least.
The worst is that only those of us who share these experiences and work in the same environment, can empathize. Empathy is lacking as a whole in our society, but even among colleagues because it feels (and is) like a war environment. And that itself is shocking nine months in.
At this point, it’s too late to stop events or focus on who’s responsible. Mitigation is key, but requires leadership, ground knowledge, and support.
I can say that the “boots on the ground” were women. All colours, various ages. And yes, a few men. Physicians, nurses, PSWs. Those whose pay is less were more likely to be BIPOC and female. The ones without sleep or breaks? Female.
I wish I took the contact of the RPN I worked with. She was one day new and a superstar. A hero. Maybe I’ll cry at some point but right now, I wish I could sleep.